pensive. in moderation

Ever get that urge to just get up from watching a movie, just because
you cant pay attention to what the hell is happening?!?!
Your eyes see the pretty actors on the screen, and if one thing triggers
a powerful thought, you can't pay attention to the movie anymore.
Lets compare it to A.D.D. but rename it T.E.S.- or Teenage Emotional Syndrome.



So while watching a movie with friends, I couldnt even try and finish it.
Im not one to cry during cheesy chick flicks, but i guess after all that I've
realized the past few weeks while taking my hiatus from my world, it shocked me.


I dont think it was just one aspect of the underlaying messages that indie movies tend
to instill in all of us, but a convoluted, twisted, demented, craptastic point of view of life
became clear.



Getting the recent news of my well being hasn't really sunk in, I wasn't scared.
Until tonight, when fear stopped me from functioning well..
When times get hard i would just try and pick up my distraction...(but
a death stick is no way to live my life now...especially when something as small
as a cigarette can make you hate the world again...)
But somehow, I find myself walking, with the breeze blowing, and all I can think of is
to call someone. Ask me a month ago on who i would call, I would give you a definite answer.
Ask me now and I have no clue who to call. I ended up listening to your voicemail,
it didn't make life easier, but it made it feel like you were around.
God knows whats going to happen.



thankyou.



iloveyou.