being.... Filipino...

A quick overview of the Filipino vernacular...


** the alphabet is taken to different heights
v=b's.....ex: very= berry
f= p's.....ex: Filipino= Pilipino

and the Filipino word of the day:
(derived from native tongue, prior to colonization)
"salongpuet"

explanation:
"salong"= to catch
"puet"= butt

... so by extension a salongpuet is a buttcatcher... after colonization it became sillia...
after being a commonwealth..became a chair.


^^ so this is what happens when two Filipinos call each other at 2am
and watch youtube together.
ohhh the laughter..



ok. good night.
airport in 2 hours. fuck

fantastical!

so everything is kind of cute right now
being a jet setter and all..

i have to get on a plane in about 3 hours
and live the next few days doing what i do best
and what i enjoy doing...
(and no that is not serial dating.. you know who you are..
the people who are thinking about it)...


but yea.
as of right now. things are really cute.
and my brain is actually using both sides recently
kind of scary because it hurts to think..
i get a fucking headache.

ohhh and best quote of my day
"irvin i think youve been kissing the wrong person your whole life"..
_anonymous.. hehehe..you know who you are

artistic medium

this will be quick.
started thinking about it while i was dancing.



....
you asked if i could love you.
i love you soo much as a friend.
and respect you.
if i could love you more than a friend. i dont really know.
time would have told
youre a very loveable person... and we get along so well..
so if it went further..i might have.
but i would like to tell you that you are unmistakably a wonderful person.
its sad that youll be gone.. but remember you say its a little vacation.
take care of my little things...



your note was a masterpiece that i wrote a little bit ago.
im sorry i couldnt give it to you.



with our little dumb moments. ill miss.
i would like to thank you for all the good times.
until i see you again my friend...
i guess when you come back...ill be waiting at "our" spot.


again.
thankyou.

the. proverbial. question.

We each walk on our own dusty, calamity ridden, road of proverbial aphorisms. Step by step
questions arise, some that have great impacts, and some are the simple questions
of "what do we want to do today?". The latter might seem as though it can't carry
a burden on the shoulders, or won't have much gravity in life. Except on those
SPECIAL occasions (more on that later)... But besides the great question of "what are we placed on this planet for..", the next most abused question is.."HI, is this your new soul mate?"


Is there really a concrete answer for that question. It always seems
as though the only one that we can call our soul mate in life is
our significant counter parts-the peanut butter to our jelly, the other to complete
our duo's...- But you start to think about the wonderful acronym B.F.F..
(that's where my rant today starts from...and i know its cute if you do marry your bestfriend
and that they are your soul mate... but it is possible to have a two soul mates...or is it?!?!?)


So, when I go out..the plans are usually not etched in stone, and more than often
usually never happen. So yesterday (7.11.08..just so i remember the day because god knows when im going to finish typing this) I went out with the best gay boy in my life... the best friend like no other... When ever we go out.. there are no plans... so we meet in the subway..and didnt have a destination... so while on the lovely underground railroad of New York, we decide
to go gallivanting around little Italy. So being the New Yorkers we are.. landmarks are how
we orient ourselves...We get off at Canal Street, knowing little Italy is right next to Chinatown..
in the heat of the lower east side, our plans of sitting in a cafe was scratched because
we gave up on the search..so we just walked down a little bit more and found ourselves
by City Hall...

In order for my brain to work properly, with the erratic plans needs to be coupled
with "erratic plan's" soul mate, which is "spontaneity"..
You see City Hall... right across is the beginning of the Brooklyn Bridge...
So as random as we can be after going to get a slice of pizza, and sitting in a
Starbucks for 10 minutes screaming at T-mobile...We randomly make our way
across that bridge...


Who would think that walking across a bridge crawling with tourists.. surprised by
gay guys....would help two people realize how much each other means to each other..
and how we take living in the city for granted... well i cant really explain
the walking part across the bridge because... thats usually a generic activity..
just the good conversation of having another "first moment" with your best friend is
a pretty good feeling.

After remembering our impacts on each others lives... I didn't think that the day
could get any better... or we can be get any closer...
But being the ones to just sit and talk...whilst catwalking over the bridge,
we saw the Brooklyn Bridge park...we both have never been there...
so a new adventure starts in Brooklyn.... So after a few blocks..
and my very good navigational skills... we found it...
and kinda sunbathed on the rocks while calling our important people..lol
..like twisted Little Mermaids wading in the dank dirty Hudson River.
That lasted for about 2o minutes..until we realized to sit underneath a
willow tree...(reference Pocahontas if needed)...
Sat there for close to like 3 hours... this is when you treasure life...
::beautiful day. beautiful place. and best company you can ask for::

To close off the day and this long story...
we walked across the bridge...sat in City Hall park for an hour...
Sang and danced in place..best thing we can do..
and went our separate ways..


So after that long anecdote, which pretty much can explain the answer to my
question...a person can have a soul mate whom they can just live happily as best friends..
Leading their own personal lives...but once together... have a different life together in
their own little world.... What does it really mean to be a soul mate?!?!
Finding a person who will be as random as you, can talk to each other for hours,
can talk about anything, and can appreciate doing nothing
yet having it mean the world to each other...

But how about the darker and sinister part of having
any type of friend.... is what would happen when the friendship
doesnt last FOREVER... I think this is a true test to that damn acronym..
something this one taught me...is that... even if things
do end... the good memories..that you will never forget will endure inside
even if you dont want them to..
they'll be there giving you a little smirk...when you need it...


--so after writing this. i completely lost my point on the concrete
point i was trying to explain... but its all there in a bundled, mixed up,
crazy way...

a reflective creation

Over the past few years of conscious life, (the time when you can finally think for yourself..and influences from other people are intertwined with yours...but in moderation), Ive been trying
to write something... something worthwhile, pretty much a masterpiece of the written language
to evoke things which are hard to express...



I can finally say I wrote one of these, yesterday.
From that, I started to think about all the people that have influenced me..
in order to accomplish such a thing.
You would never know who is actually a friend or just some other body moving around with you,
until push comes to shove...
We all go through a lot of things, some amazing feelings which we want to share with everyone,
and the ones pushed back into the back of the closet and into the shadows.



But then again, pushing things aside doesnt make them go away,
and we all have to get ready for the vicious cycle that happens until we get up
and face them.
This is the time when... you as an individual feel as though the world is going to crash down
and start to push people away... and more or less become a hermit of despair and slave to your
downward emotions...
The little light that comes from the person who gets your dumb ass out of bed... is probably
a good sign that a true friend is there...
When push comes to shove, they push back..and hit you up side the head...
These friends keep you strong.



They tear for you. Almost start crying while they are driving. (iloveyou for that btw)
They sit and wait for you before class while youre at practice so you can take a 3 hour computer science class.
They cancel plans because they know youve lied that youre not heart broken.
They call you at 12am... just to say they are taking a dump and doesnt want to be lonely.
They spend two weeks of their lives living in a hotel room with you.. and doesnt let you sleep for the two weeks.. because they want spend as much time with you as possible.
They sit in central park with you, and people watch. just because life is more amazing to sit back and watch it unravel.
They sit eating breakfast with you before school starts (8am)...and cause you to go in at 11am...
They call you to watch the sunrise because they have insomnia and have given up going to sleep.
They will sit in a bookstore with you for hours... just for shits and giggles and broke
They call you while waiting for the bus..because they need to get back to their dorm rooms..
and you need to catch up on life
These memories are amazing.





The little things in life might not be worthwhile at that moment in time
but once built up over time, can give you the tools to help
induce an epiphany... and pretty much create something so beautiful.
i can also say that im lucky for having so many influential people in my life
iloveyou all

bestfriends

So i find myself in a position today..
to hear my lovely bestfriend rant on and complain
about his shitty job at the court house...
(of course you'd complain as well if:
*your boss is an octogenarian.
*self proclaimed sexist...which is very prominent..considering she loves the other girls around her.
*god knows if the lady likes homosexicles... so hes in a bit of a bind.)

anyways.. digressing..
he calls bitching and moaning.. and i know that its bad
when he has to chain smoke...and both he and i have "quit".. (bad habit..dont do it kiddos)
being bestfriends...for a good while now..there is a point that you can
see your BFF walking down the street while talking to you (on the phone)...
and it feels like if youre walking right next to them..


so i ask him to stop being soooo poopie faced.. and to smile.
of course i know when hes giving me a bullshit smile or a real smile...
and i know he was bullshitting that smile.
and well... he goes.. if i know him so well to tell him what he was doing at that point..


rebuttal: "youre raising your eyebrow and looking at your phone....shut up bitch.. go home..sleep... and i love you "..
reaction: "ooohhhh thats creepy..you know me soo well"





**this is a really disturbing thing.
we need to stop being friends now!!!!

pensive. in moderation

Ever get that urge to just get up from watching a movie, just because
you cant pay attention to what the hell is happening?!?!
Your eyes see the pretty actors on the screen, and if one thing triggers
a powerful thought, you can't pay attention to the movie anymore.
Lets compare it to A.D.D. but rename it T.E.S.- or Teenage Emotional Syndrome.



So while watching a movie with friends, I couldnt even try and finish it.
Im not one to cry during cheesy chick flicks, but i guess after all that I've
realized the past few weeks while taking my hiatus from my world, it shocked me.


I dont think it was just one aspect of the underlaying messages that indie movies tend
to instill in all of us, but a convoluted, twisted, demented, craptastic point of view of life
became clear.



Getting the recent news of my well being hasn't really sunk in, I wasn't scared.
Until tonight, when fear stopped me from functioning well..
When times get hard i would just try and pick up my distraction...(but
a death stick is no way to live my life now...especially when something as small
as a cigarette can make you hate the world again...)
But somehow, I find myself walking, with the breeze blowing, and all I can think of is
to call someone. Ask me a month ago on who i would call, I would give you a definite answer.
Ask me now and I have no clue who to call. I ended up listening to your voicemail,
it didn't make life easier, but it made it feel like you were around.
God knows whats going to happen.



thankyou.



iloveyou.

enlightened pessimist

there are alot of things to look froward to.
but just ....











be careful.
of the wolf in sheep skin.
its nice to be back